What This Guide Actually Is
Not every popular Deadlock write-up on the Steam Community is serious. “How to be the most useless person on the team” is one of the satirical ones — a community-reported joke guide that claims to teach you how to “carry,” while every single tip it gives would make you the exact opposite of a good teammate. The original author keeps a straight face and keeps insisting you’re the pro in the lobby; the comedy comes from how absurdly selfish the advice is.
This page breaks that guide down into the real behaviors it describes, so you can recognize them in your own games — and then do the reverse. Everything here is community-reported and unconfirmed against any official Valve guidance. And a quick note on what you’re reading: if you arrived from a search for the deadlocked achievement on Steam, or you’re still trying to work out where to find the Deadlock invite on Steam, this is a different kind of page — it’s an explainer of one deliberately bad Steam guide, not an achievement or access guide.
The Habits That Make You Useless
The guide’s entire gimmick is that it frames these steps as “pro streamer behavior.” In reality, each one is a textbook way to throw a match. Here’s what it actually tells you to do.
Refuse every lane swap
At the start of a match you’re placed on a lane with a partner, collecting souls and pressuring the enemy guardian. When a teammate asks to swap lanes, a big glowing letter icon appears beneath their portrait. The guide’s rule is simple: never click it. Tell them to be quiet, because “you decide how you play your game.” The result, of course, is two players stuck somewhere they don’t want to be.
Farm nothing and feed in front of your creeps
In lane the objective is to gather souls and win the trade. The useless version flips this: never click the red (enemy) orbs, stand directly in front of your own creeps — the little candle-carrying units — and take every fight face-first. If you die, it’s “not your fault,” because your lane partner should have centered their entire game around you.
Lock into one build and never adapt
Never pick an ability that counters the hero in front of you or that fits the moment. If it isn’t in your copied build, it’s “useless.” Follow the build to the letter even when the situation screams otherwise — that’s how you stay dead weight all game.
Hoard souls for the flashy items
The guide says to save everything for high-cost, high-impact abilities — it name-drops things like Inhibitor, Curse, and Pristine Emblem — and to skip every cheap pickup. Its exact claim is that “all abilities that are 500 souls suck ass.” Treat the low-cost tiered items as beneath you and bleed value while you sit on gold. (This is the guide’s community opinion, not a fact about the game.)
“Communicate” by screaming and blaming
Communication is treated as an annoying obligation toward “people who know less than you.” The recommended routine: shout into the mic for help, and every time you die make sure everyone hears “Where was everyone?” — so nobody can miss it. Bind a key (the guide uses T, though it depends on your settings) and never stay silent. Its worked example has a Lash politely asking a Talon to grab a Healing Rite; the “useless” Talon answers with insults and profanity instead.
Never, ever listen to your duo
Even when your lane partner is pleading and begging for a specific pickup or playstyle, never give in. That’s the emotional core of the whole guide — “you shape your own future,” so any request from a teammate is something to ignore.
Flip It to Actually Help Your Team
Read as a real how-to, the guide is basically a checklist you want to do the opposite of. Accept a lane swap when it clearly helps the team composition. Click the enemy orbs, contest creeps, and stop feeding in front of your own line. Treat your build as a starting point and adapt — grab the counter-ability or the situational pick when the enemy hero in front of you demands it. Buy the cheap, efficient items on curve instead of hoarding souls. And when you talk, say something useful: call out rotates, ask for items without insults, and skip the “where was everyone” routine.
The one genuinely funny thing about this Steam guide is how recognizable it is — most of us have shared a lobby with someone playing the “most useless person” role for real. If you spot these behaviors in a teammate, now you know exactly which guide they might have learned them from.
Frequently asked questions
Is this advice meant to be taken seriously? No. It’s a community-reported comedy guide on the Steam Community. The “tips” are intentionally terrible.
Which heroes does it name? Its worked example uses a Lash asking a Talon for a Healing Rite, but the jokes apply to any lane pairing.
Does it say anything official? Nothing here is official — it’s humor built on common player behavior, not verified game data.